Saturday, February 21, 2009

I really hope the Alpha Bank London people can nail this guy

We all get ridiculous "offers" from scam artists, but this one made my blood boil. I sent this link to the good folk at Alpha Bank London. Here's the letter (in read) and my response.

On 2/21/09 7:24 PM, "Phil Hodkinson" wrote:

> Alpha Bank London
> 66 cannon Street
> London EC4N 6EP
> United Kingdom
> Dear Friend,
> How are you today? Hope all is well. I am in search of an agent to assist me
> in the transfer of £23,000,000.00 (Twenty Three Million Pounds Sterling) only
> in my branch that belongs to our Late Matthew L. Tallman, an American army
> who unfortunately lost his life in the helicopter crash on their mission for
> operation Iraqi Freedom on August 22, 2007.I want to transfer the money into
> your reliable bank account as the sole NEXT-OF-KIN.

Hiya, "Phil" or whatever you name is,

I *was* just fine and dandy until I opened your pitiful letter.

If this was just your normal, run of the mill scam/spam that I, along with millions of others, get every day, I would've deleted it.

But ya know Phil baby? You crossed the line here. You're using a fellow countryman of mine who gave up his life for my sake and for the sake of pathetic scam artists like you. What's more, you twit, you're insulting the man's true next of kin, including his mother, wife, and two small children.

> Nobody has shown up as his next of kin for the claim because the account is
> untraceable. Upon the investigation I carried out from his records, I found
> out that his foreign business consultant who would have trace the account died
> earlier before the deceased. Therefore, this is a confidential and sealed
> deal. You shall also help me in subsequent investments in properties in your
> country.

It ain't confidential anymore, "friend." However, I'll be happy to help you in investments in my country. For starters, I hope somebody fines you big time for using a dead hero's name for scam purposes and puts the money into a trust fund for this man's children. How's that for an investment?

> You will be required to:-
> (1) Assist in the transfer of the said sum
> (2) Advise on lucrative areas for investment
> (3) Assist me in purchase of properties.

If there's any justice, YOU will be required to go to jail. And I'd be happy to assist you in finding a really appropriate cell.

> For the success of this transaction, you should apply and act as the only
> existing NEXT-OF-KIN to the deceased which our bank will replace the deceased
> account information through proper documentation in position of your own
> account. This transaction is risk-free, it will never harm your good
> reputation in your society because no one can trace the account, and on the
> instant of the transfer of the fund into your account, the chapter of this
> transaction will be closed entirely.

No kidding. Sweetie, I'm not worried about MY reputation, but the bank you claim to represent might be worried about theirs. And trust me on this one: they're getting a copy of this letter.

> Note that in a business of this nature, the bank don’t want to know your
> difference between the deceased country, religion or believe because our bank
> inheritance law is against that. So, it is a preference for us to achieve this
> success without any problem. Please note down that once the fund get
> transferred into your account, you will take 40% of the total sum while the
> rest will be for me as I will arrange myself down to your country to take my
> share.

Rule #1 when trying to scam an American? Learn to write the language. It may come in handy.

> I need your urgent response and include your private telephone/mobile numbers
> for easy communication. Please reply if you can be trusted in this deal.

I can't be trusted in YOUR deal, "friend." But hey, I'm a sport. Use this number: 801 11 701 801.

> Regards,
> Dr. Phil Hodkinson

Lotsa luck,

Kelly Clark