Dear U.S. Catholic Bishops:

My Excellent and Eminent Fathers,

It is, I understand, not up to the sheep to lead the shepherds. That said, it seems my good angel is niggling me to offer, most humbly, a few words of caution...or, requests.

First, please stay completely out of what you deem to be "politics." You're not good at it, and the Good Lord was wise in keeping this so-called "talent" away from you. What you must do, instead, is to stay with politicians who are in your flock. You're job is not to "negotiate" with Catholics who, for perhaps worldly "political" reasons or perhaps because they have been misled into wrong thinking. You're job is simple—not easy, maybe, but simple—bring them back into the Catholic Church. You may consider starting with Nancy Pelosi.

Second, please, please, abolish the "National Conference of Catholic Bishops." The organization is futile in that it has its roots in this temporal world and not in the Heavenly Kingdom.

Third, and finally: do be prepared to die, and to encourage your flock to die, rather than "compromise." Again, this is very simple, albeit not easy.

Fourth: For Christ's sake, BE CATHOLIC!

In Our Risen Lord,

Kelly