Requiescat in pace, Whitney Houston

Dear U.S. Catholic Bishops:

My Excellent and Eminent Fathers,

It is, I understand, not up to the sheep to lead the shepherds. That said, it seems my good angel is niggling me to offer, most humbly, a few words of caution...or, requests.

First, please stay completely out of what you deem to be "politics." You're not good at it, and the Good Lord was wise in keeping this so-called "talent" away from you. What you must do, instead, is to stay with politicians who are in your flock. You're job is not to "negotiate" with Catholics who, for perhaps worldly "political" reasons or perhaps because they have been misled into wrong thinking. You're job is simple—not easy, maybe, but simple—bring them back into the Catholic Church. You may consider starting with Nancy Pelosi.

Second, please, please, abolish the "National Conference of Catholic Bishops." The organization is futile in that it has its roots in this temporal world and not in the Heavenly Kingdom.

Third, and finally: do be prepared to die, and to encourage your flock to die, rather than "compromise." Again, this is very simple, albeit not easy.

Fourth: For Christ's sake, BE CATHOLIC!

In Our Risen Lord,

Kelly

Do you understand?

Celebrating 50 million dead babies. Celebrating???

Jill Stanek and many pro-life bloggers are driving NARAL and other pro-abortion people crazy by asking them a simple question: "What do you mean by `choice'?" The action was prompted last year as NARAL instituted its "Blog for Choice" campaign last year on the anniversary of the tragedy known as Roe vs. Wade.

The thing is, NARAL—the "National Abortion and Reproductive Rights Action League" (I think I've got the words to the acronym right, but I really don't care...they never use them) has answered the question.

The "choice" is abortion. Period.

On their website, under the heading "What is Choice?" there are four "answers." Topping the list is, of course, Abortion. In fourth place—obviously in the cellar as far as NARAL is concerned—is "Healthy" Pregnancies.

You don't need to be a rocket science to see where this group's priorities are.

Even "pregnancy" isn't really a choice unless it's a "healthy" one. Read: if you're not a perfect baby, kid, adios and see ya in the dumpster.

I couldn't think of anything uglier than facilitating the gruesome death of a baby until I came across something that makes me shiver even as I write this:

Partying down on millions of dead babies' bodies.

There's a group called the "D.C. Abortion Fund" and the headline on its site says it all:

ROE-D TO PERDITION

Nope. I'm not making this up. Evidently the group doesn't understand the meaning of the word "perdition" or maybe, what the hell (pun intended) they do and they embrace it. In any case, the text goes on to breathlessly outline the parties, celebrations, and other festivities planned for the anniversary.

Get ready to boogie down with DCAF this month! We have emerged mostly unscathed from our loving families and are ready to Roe-ll! The 39th anniversary of the Roe v. Wade decision is January 22, and we are so grateful for the dedicated activists, legislators, and donors who continue to make abortion rights a reality here and around the world...Here is your pro-choice social calendar for this week and next

Following this giddy introduction is a list of happy hours, rallies, dinners, more happy hours, parties, still more happy hours...all conveniently listing times, ticket information, and locations. Most of them are in bars. At least one is in an elegant restaurant. Topping the host list are NARAL and NOW.

My question isn't "what do you mean by `choice'" because I already know what they mean by "choice."

My question is simple: what sort of mind-set deems it necessary—no, desirable—to celebrate death?

Obama accelerates war on humanity

However, he's given us all a year before forcing us (or trying to force us) into sin.

Ron Wine, father of Colleen Hammond, R.I.P.

Please pray for the happy repose of the soul of Mr. Ron Wine, who died on January 17, and for the comfort of his family. Among Mr. Wine's many accomplishments are his four children, including the wonderful Colleen Hammond.

Thank you.

January 23: A Day of Prayer and Penance for Life

No need to wait, though...let's start praying and doing penance now!

In all the dioceses of the United States of America, January 22 (or January 23, when January 22 falls on a Sunday) shall be observed as a particular day of penance for violations to the dignity of the human person committed through acts of abortion, and of prayer for the full restoration of the legal guarantee of the right to life. The Mass "For Peace and Justice" (no. 22 of the "Masses for Various Needs") should be celebrated with violet vestments as an appropriate liturgical observance for this day.

(General Instruction of the Roman Missal, no. 373)

"Ten Years Later?" Uh...I don't think so

True, ten years ago, The Boston Globe broke a story covering years of child sexual abuse by Catholic priests and employees of the Archdiocese of Boston.

However, this "ten years" thing is, while not, I'm sure, deliberate? It's still a ruse. Male adolescents, and children, were sexually abused by male priests and other diocese employees for decades.

So can we dispense with the "10 Year" crap, unless we want to congratulate Michael Paulson and his Globe team for breaking the story? (Which I do, by the way.)

Thank you. Sheesh. It's headlines like this that make me want to warm up to groups I normally look askance at...like SNAP and -- what was their name? Oh yes, "Voice of the People."

Face it folks. "Ten Years Later," the Catholic Church's perverts—may God have mercy on them—got caught. As did their enablers. Say it to yourselves. I promise you, you'll feel better. Or, maybe not better, but you can at least congratulate yourselves on being honest.

But what really happened "Ten Years" ago? 

Well, for one thing, the idiots who let this perversity go on without even considering the ramifications walked right into the devil's snare...giving the aforementioned groups like "Voice of the Faithful" and other, even more perverse groups like "Dignity" the opportunity they'd been salivating for: "changing" the Church.

[insert harp-like memorable music here]

I can still hear it now:

"Oh, gosh, if only priests were allowed to marry." (Not, of course, even giving a nod to the fact that the VAST majority of abusers were men attracted to young boys.)

"My dear, if only women were allowed to become priests!" (Without, of course, even doffing their hats to the Church's dictum that such a thing was impossible.)

"I'm leaving the Church, dammit!" (This, of course, from—not all, but very, very many—folks who hadn't darkened a Catholic church door in years.)

And even today:

"Hey, let the lay folks run the Mass!"

"Hey, it's Gay Pride Week—let's have a Mass to celebrate!"

"Hey, I know...let's invite dissident priest Father Gumdrop to give us a good pep talk!"

"Hey, didja hear? Sister Maggie Sugarplum was just ordained!!!"

The list goes on, but you get my point. Or if you don't, think about it.

And then there were the "cures" [gag]

Foremost among them? Why "Talking About Touching" of course! An abominable "program" started around 2004 or so, that exposed little kids—I'm talking about six-year-olds here—to "preventative" lessons which pretty much taught little kids to beware of their own family members. Google it.

Let's face it, folks. "Ten Years Later" is a stupid phrase to acknowledge the fact that Church leadership—the Church founded by my Best Friend Jesus Christ—let jerks come in and try to destroy Her.

The Good News? They didn't.

The bad news? They're still trying.


And they've been given carte blanche, practically because for years—not a decade, but years—the folks in charge let things slide.

Cardinal O'Malley's letter to the Archdiocese of Boston made it very clear that, despite the millions of dollars given over to sexual abuse victims, to new "programs," etc., etc., the letter was not a congratulatory pose.

Good. Because we don't need a pulled-out shoulder caused from patting ourselves on the back to hurt us even further.

May God continue to bless you.

Free Epiphany Card!

Didn't get those Christmas Cards out this year? Want to still give a greeting that celebrates the birth of our Savior? Email me -- use the "email Kelly" link -- and get a PDF file of a card celebrating the Epiphany of Our Lord. Print it off, fold it twice, stick it in an invitation envelope if you'd like, and you're good to go! The inside of the card contains the antiphon of the Magnificat for the Feast of the Epiphany.

For those of you who already got it last year (or the years before) nothing's changed...although you might've accidentally deleted it. :-)

God bless,

Kelly <------no Wise Men were destroyed in the making o' this card..

Thank you Dr. Horatio Robinson Storer

Although largely forgotten today, Dr. Horatio Robinson Storer (1830-1922) was one of the most influential figures of the 19th century. He made large contributions to gynecology and abdominal surgery and substantial contributions to natural history, sanitation, and numismatics. However, the accomplishments of Dr. Storer that are remembered today, and the ones for which he most wished to be remembered, were related to the suppression of unnecessary intentional abortion.

Read the amazing article by Frederick N. Dyer, Ph.D., here.

Just in case you forgot? :-) My parish is on the ball!

Merry, Merry Christmas!

God is with us!

Me? A Christmas Gift? Okay, I'll tell you what I'd like...

I live in an African American neighborhood. For Christmas, I'd like to see an end to the "N" word. I don't care if you're black. You're not entitled to us it and I hope you stop. Do you realize how many people have been hurt by that very, very, ugly word? No? Well, learn about it and shut the bleep up before using it.

I often walk through "gay" neighborhoods. (Boston, in fact, is a very small town.) For Christmas, I'd like to see an end to the "Q" word. I don't care if you're attracted to the same gender as yourself. You're not entitled to use it and I hope you stop. Do you realize how many people have been hurt by that very, very, ugly word? No? Well, learn about it and shut the bleep up before using it.

Italian neighborhoods are great. But for Christmas, I'd like to see the end of the "D" word. I don't care if you're Italian. You're not entitled to use it and I hope you stop. Do you realize how many people have been hurt by that very, very, ugly word? No? Well, learn about it and shut the bleep up before using it.

I'm a heterosexual, and as such, I would greatly appreciate NOT being called—even in jest—a "breeder" by friends, acquaintances, and even strangers. I don't care if you think it's funny. You're not entitled to use it and I hope you stop. Do you realize how many people have tried to have babies and could not, and have therefore been very, very hurt by that word? No? Well, think about it and shut the bleep up before using it.

I'm a Catholic. And while I would rather you didn't trash my religion? I can take it. In fact, my religion helps me forgive all of the above.

Merry Christmas!

We make great websites!

At the risk o' sounding crassly commercial, especially during this holy season, here's a crassly commercial post.

Check out Alden's latest website created for Marina Martin, accountant, here:

And just to assure you that I'm not totally crass, it might be a good time for you, um, well endowed folks to consider consulting an accounting firm before the year closes...you know, like, yeah, like charitable donations and such...yeah, that's right! :-)

Bring a Catholic back: a hopeful help to the Archdiocese of Boston's "streamlining" plans

Today our Cardinal Archbishop presumably outlined a way for Boston parishes to "streamline"...to become, evidently, more efficient by sharing resources.

This is a good thing, don't get me wrong. To anyone who's been at Mass on Sundays during the last few years, there's an earthly problem, and it's called Not Enough Money, Not Enough Priests.

Or, as I like to call it, the NEM-NEP Syndrome.

Now, NEM-NEP is real. Parishes are already sharing priests. In the past, parishes have simply closed down. Everybody's exhausted, it's a real problem, etc., etc., etc.

But wait! Uh...something in the mix is missing here and it's pretty much the elephant in your living room and my parlor, and that is:

MOST CATHOLICS DON'T GO TO CHURCH!

Sorry for the yelling, but I did feel the need to wake some folks up. Now I'm talking about the Archdiocese of Boston here, yet I've a feeling this is true throughout the Roman Catholic Church. Again:

MOST CATHOLICS DON'T GO TO CHURCH!

Yes, indeed, they're baptized in Catholic churches, married in Catholic churches, and, may they rest in peace, buried out of Catholic churches.

But most Catholics don't participate—not one iota—in the Sunday celebration of the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass.

(Which—pssst—is a deadly, read "mortal" sin. Got that? Sure? Then say it with me: "deliberately eschewing Mass on Sundays and Holy Days is a mortal sin." Now then, what happens when one dies with the stain of mortal sin on his or her soul? You already know what happens.)

What has this do with the NEM-NEP syndrome?

Well, pretty much everything, or nearly so. If there's only a few folks in the pews, there's only a few bucks in the collection plate. That's the earthly reality. I mean, you don't expect folks who think nothing of dissing their Sunday and Holy Day obligations to—what?—send their contributions via Western Union or PayPal, do you?

And if there's a shortage of priests, then what are you expecting? Father Whosis to come to your bedside when you're sick and anoint you? Or to your deathbed to hear your confession?

Those days are gone, my friend. 'Course, most priests will drive themselves ragged to do just that…but the word "most" means "many" and there aren't many priests. It's that simple. Why is that, do you suppose? My guess?

MOST CATHOLICS DON'T GO TO CHURCH!

Which means their children don't either, more than likely. And how does one expect a child to discern a possible vocation when he's deprived of the glorious experience of the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass?

Anyway, screw the NEM-NEP syndrome for a moment and reflect on this horrible situation—far more horrible than a lack of finances or manpower:

MOST CATHOLICS DON'T GO TO CHURCH…and, ergo, most Catholics are endangering their souls.

Here's my point:

("Thank goodness, Kelly, it took you long enough!")

My weakness, and I apologize. And I also beg you, while the powers that be at the Archdiocese of Boston and their counterparts throughout the world struggle to manage the earthly affairs of their parishes:


Pray a Catholic back to the Church.

Adopt one, spiritually. At random, or a particular one you've got in mind. Devote your morning and evening prayers to the reconciliation of a fallen Catholic—yep, that's a phrase you can still use—and, even  better, include this reconciliation in your Mass intentions.

And spread the word!

Ask your friends and family members to "adopt-a-fallen-Catholic" via prayer. Sheesh, I get at least six or seven email notes a day asking me to forward some wacky joke. Surely, it's within the realm of possibility to personally ask your spouse, your best friend, your sibling, your parish priest, your favorite nun (nuns are a really good bet, trust me) or anyone in your circle to participate in this project. God, I assure you, listens to prayers far more than He listens to the minutes of a Committee Meeting. (Meaning no disrespect to those who Sit On Committees or Those Who Submit Minutes of same.)

So c'mon! While the folks running the earthly Church do whatever it is they're doing to combat the NEM-NEP syndrome, let's do ours.

Pray a fallen Catholic back to the Church!

May God continue to bless you.

Happy New Year!

May your Advent be a blessed and holy one!

Exploding religious myths...and correcting the unthinking

A friend o' mine—and one I consider a very good friend—posted an unthinkingly unkind post today on Facebook and, while I forgive him and love him dearly, it made me think about a lot o' myths that people seem to cling to. Especially about religion.

And so, here then, is a brief primer that explodes ridiculous prejudices about religion.

Let's start with the obvious (to me, anyway) since my friend who inspired this is a born Muslim.

Myth: "Most Islamic imams preach terrorism. In fact, most imams rejoiced over 9/11/01."

Not true. Most imams really do preach peace. Don't tell me I'm wrong...I've heard many and have known, and do know, many members of Islam. Yes indeed, it was fanatic Muslims who attacked America (which happens to be my country so I'm a little more than interested) and yes, indeed, it may well have been fanatic Muslims who murdered Coptic Christians a few days ago in Egypt (and I've a friend who's a Coptic Christian and so I'm a little more than interested) but still. It's a myth. The vast majority of imams do not preach "terrorism against The Infidel." And don't tell me about the Koran. Check out the Old Testament if you're interested in discovering violence.

Myth: "Most Hindu Brahmin priests once forced widows to face the suttee."

Nah. While yes,  a few hundred years ago, Hindu wives willingly allowed themselves to be burned after the death of their husbands, nobody—except perhaps Hindu society's societal niceties coupled with their own desires—forced them to.

Myth: "All Jewish Leaders Killed Christ!"

Sheesh.  Nope. My sins and yours did the deed, and Jesus was perfectly willing to go along. This one always bemuses me, since I know Jews who are more Christian than many Catholics are.

Myth: Atheists "Are Evil People"

Wrong again. Atheists are, perhaps, unfortunate, but they're not "evil." In fact, atheists have a harder time than most, in my opinion, to seek goodness because they're on their own. No God to guide them? That's gotta be really tough, but I know many unbelievers who manage to do the right thing.

I've saved the most odious "myth" for last, and do you know why? Why, I'll tell you!

These days, and for quite a while now, nobody in the PC world would dare to repeat the above myths among the Beautiful People. I didn't really have to come to the defense of Islam, Hinduism, Israel, or atheism. C'mon. Today, any negative comment about the above groups would be considered "hate speech." Sheesh, I might be jailed for doing so!

Still, I meant what I wrote. Myths about religions abound.

But you know? There's only one group that's still fair game for the mythology game. And so I bring you:

Catholicism...The Last Permissible Victim of Bigotry.

Myths—politically correct ones, to be sure—about Catholicism abound...'way too many to blog about here. But here's the one that got my ire up today:

Myth: Most Catholic priests lust sexually after children...particularly boys.

This is a damned lie. If you have a scintilla of common sense, you know this. Or, if you have no common sense, you have at least the brains God (or whomever you worship) gave you to do the math.

As I said, there are a lot of myths about the Catholic Church—far more than I'm willing to go into right now.

But let me say this: you go around spreading this myth or any others?

You've got me to contend with. And trust me on this one...I'm not alone.

I've got a Really Good Friend to help me.

So do be careful. I may—and in fact, I do—pray for you all the time.

But I'll defend my faith against you or anybody else. To the death.

May God continue to bless you.

About that time change thing?

For my good friends who arrive at Mass after the Offertory? Ignore the rumors. Just keep your clocks the way they are. No kidding.

This is a public service message from the Lady in the Pew.

All Saints Day. And Father Dennis Brown, OMV

If I don't miss my guess—and, eschewing false modesty, I generally don't—my thought is that my good friend, Father Dennis Brown, OMV, is not only shivering with excitement at the November 1 Feast...he's actually begun to celebrate it.

Father Dennis is one of those very blessed people who understand—who know within his very heart and gut—that the saints are, besides Jesus and Mary, our very best friends.

When he served in Boston at Saint Francis Chapel, the "optional memorial" of any given saint—any of them—was not an option at all.

Father Dennis, I do believe, would pretty much take it as a personal affront if Saint-Whoever-Heard-of-This-Guy wasn't honored at the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass.

It's just the way he is. He not only loves all saints, but considers them personal friends  of his.

And so they are. And of yours and of mine as well.

Father Dennis' resume includes, I believe, a stint at a participant in the Congregation for Cause of Saints. What does this mean to me personally?

It made his a great confessor. Stern? No doubt about it. This man never refuses to call a sin...well, a sin.

But he also was and no doubt still is, God's instrument of hope. "Saints are sinners who kept trying" is a favorite admonition of his. As is, "Nunc Coepi" ("Now I begin!")...a favorite saying of his order's founder, Venerable Brunu Lanteri.

And so, as we celebrate all the saints, it's my great privilege to ask Our Lord to bless this good priest...a friend who not only introduced to me saints I'd never heard of, but more important? To rely on our "great cloud of witnesses" to pray for me...not just when I'm in a jam, but always.

Happy All Saints Day, Father Dennis! May you one day be a part of these great folks. (And don't worry...if you screw up? Nunc Coepi! ;-)

Father Dennis Brown, O.M.V., lives and works in the diocese of Lansing and Ann Arbor, Michigan. He regularly hosts retreats focusing on the Spiritual Exercises of Saint Ignatius, and also facilitates the formation of clergy and laity, especially in the discernment of the spirits.

New Roman Missal: Concluding Rites

The word “Mass” comes from the Latin word MISSA (meaning sent or dismissed), a word that is spoken by the deacon or priest as the assembly is dismissed: “Ite! Missa est!” (“Go! You are dismissed!”)

The importance of this final act of the Mass cannot be overlooked. It's not a “dismissal” as we might normally think of that word: “Okay, you may go now.” Nor is it a punitive act as when one is “dismissed” (i.e., "You're fired!) No, this dismissal is very different.

In a real sense, the new Roman Missal changes the tone of the concluding rite. There is an urgency in the words. It is less “you may go now” and more “you MUST go now to proclaim what God has done for us here!” In slang, it might be “Go! Scram! What are you still standing here for? Go and take what God has given us here, and take it out to your workplaces, to your neighborhoods, to your families, your friends, EVERYBODY!”

There are four options for the deacon or priest to use. One is the simple “Go in peace.” We're familiar with that. There is also “Go forth, the Mass is ended.” Can you hear how the “Go forth” conveys much of the sense of being sent?

This sense is also obvious in the two remaining options, included at the command of Pope Benedict XVI. The first of these is “Go and announce the Gospel of the Lord.” Say that out load and listen to yourself! It can't be more explicit! We are sent out on mission—to announce the Gospel, to be Christ’s witnesses, to work for the coming kingdom!

The remaining option for the dismissal is just as beautiful: “Go in peace, glorifying the Lord by your life.” Through what God has just done for us, and through what God has done to us in this Eucharist, go, and by our lives—by how we live and act and treat others and make decisions—by all of that, give glory to the Lord!

The Pew Lady's Conclusion 

[thank goodness, Kelly...thought you'd never shut up!]

Hey, never mind that. Ahem:

Some people thrive on change…lots of people hate it. Personally? I'm not all that into change myself. But whether you love change or avoid it...it’s always a challenge.

By the grace of God, we’re up for it. Oh, sure, we’ll probably stumble a bit at the beginning. But, I’m confident that sooner, rather than later, we’ll find that these new words we’ll use at Mass will help us to elevate what is most important in our lives: our holiness.

May God bless you.