Yep, it's that time of the year again. Thousands march, pray, fast, and do everything they can to fight the monstrous sanction of murdering babies. I applaud them. But since tonight is my "all about me" night?
I killed my baby before Roe v. Wade.
A teenager, was I. And, with the help of my baby's father (a teacher), my parents, and the ironically named Mount Sinai Hospital in Detroit, Michigan, I killed my baby.
Not that I like to remember, but the act itself was fairly simple. Some board of shrinks at the hospital claimed that if I didn't kill my baby, I'd be screwed up mentally for the rest of my life. Makes me want to laugh, in a really evil way, when I do think about it. (Trust me. I try not to.)
This actually isn't news.
Since the 1980s, I've proclaimed loudly — at conferences, in front of abortion centers, etc. — of my sin. And have urged, in every way I can, women to choose life.
This is about today. At Mass today…
The United States Bishops Conference urged everybody to pray for the end of abortion. I was eager to participate in the celebration of the Mass dedicated to this intention.
Then, the celebrant began his homily…
And guess what? He talked about people like me. About healing and that stuff. I'd expected something about praying, activism, things to do to stop the bleeping killing…not about healing me.
So I alternated…between anger, sorrow, and hatred.
Hatred. Of myself, first and foremost. Of everybody I know, or don't know, who piously, proudly and bleeping self-righteously calls themselves "pro-choice." (It's murder, folks. If I can say it? You can say it. If you won't, you're liars.)
See…this is why I regret my abortion.
Because it —my act — resulted in hatred. And hate — like sin — is a really ugly thing.
So, to all you folks who are fighting to repeal Roe v. Wade? Bravo. I do applaud you. But there's this really ugly thing going through my mind…what good would that do?
Please…no sympathy. I've got enough of my own for myself.
I killed a baby, lost another the following year (the girl who was prevented from being "mentally screwed up for life" got pregnant on purpose and had a miscarriage), was rendered infertile (well golly gee…turns out the "procedure" had some complications) and try very hard not to…uh…feel sorry for myselfMay God continue to bless you.
on cognitive dissonance - That's the fancy name for living in a way that is in conflict with your conscience. It's like a permanent stone in your shoe, or a feeling that something...
3 weeks ago